Forgiveness
I’ve been told that Christians aren’t called to forgive someone who has hurt them until that person apologises. I’m trying to make this fit with the sermon on Sunday (The Unforgiving Servant). Are we called to forgive people who aren’t sorry?
Note: This question wasn’t formally submitted to The Files, but has come up several times in conversation.
The short answer is: Yes.
We are called to forgive those who have not asked for forgiveness. In fact, we must.
Whether the person is sorry for what they have done - whether they repent and ask for forgiveness - is their responsibility for which God will hold them accountable. Our responsibility is to love and forgive them regardless.
“If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Indeed, Jesus calls us to love, and bless, and pray for our enemies even as they hate us.
The idea that I should only forgive someone if they first apologise seems natural because the world prescribes a form of forgiveness that is transactional: your forgiveness is exchanged for my apology. However, Christian living is not transactional, but rooted in grace.
The best way to think about this is to consider your own state before God. He loved you when you were his enemy, and he saved you before you ever sought his pardon.
Now, it is true that he calls you to daily repent and ask him for forgiveness (Matt. 6:12), but for those who are in Christ, God’s love is not contingent on your love for him, nor is his pardon dependent on your apology. Otherwise, we would find ourselves in the perilous position of making sure that every sin was apologised for before we die!
In the same way, the person who has sinned against you is called to seek forgiveness and reconciliation, but your forgiveness of them should flow freely - just as God forgives you - whether they apologise or not.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”
It’s not easy, but it is the way of Jesus.
Love, JS
